is there room for me?

This year is utterly crazy. And who are we to stay sane? Is it even possible?

Honestly I feel like I have for the past few years(8 or so) had one challenge after the other and with each challenge my mind has gone can't get worse that this…RIGHT!?” and then it does. Its not all big stuff its all the small things (totally started singing that song in my head as a wrote those words) added up. They add and add and add and then implode or explode.

Right now Im at a implode kinda place in life, no need to scream or fight, all I want is to lay down and do absolutely nothing. Feel nothing. Or maybe feel it all? But most certainly have no responsibility for others. None.

Is it ok to take a break from a life that I love? Cause I do, my family is my favorite people on earth and I love spending time with them. And I also get kinda lost in all the messiness a family of 5 create. The physical mess, oh yes, and the chaos in my head when I allow other familymembers take up space in my head. So much space there is no room left for me and my needs.

No one is doing this to me, I am not setting the boundaries needed for my health. Honestly I just recently truly realized that my needs are valid and more important than meeting needs of others. My needs are more important than meeting needs of others. I need to repeat that one cause even if I know it it still doesent make sense. Being taught to push down feelings and needs my whole life it is a strange place to be, right here where I am and just now starting to let myself actually listen to what I want and need and then take action.