⚡ anxiety ⚡
I am the master of keeping a calm outside while having a full blown anxiety attack. As a child I dealt with the anxiety by putting pressure on my solar plexus and/or root of nose. Or pinch the inside of my thigh. Why hide the attack? I'm not entirely sure why, however the environment surrounding me was very much like 'put a brace face on, be strong' and even if I never heard anything negative about anxiety(that might be the issue, I didn't hear ANYTHING about it so I didn't understand what it was)I felt it was something needed to be hidden.
This afternoon I felt that 'I might puke or choke' kinda feeling sneak up on me. All my senses are raw. Each noise make me jump a little, each smell is too strong. My breath is shallow and trying to take a diaphragmatic breath hurts my whole body. At first I wonder what is wrong with me, the attacks have been far apart the last few years and until I figure out what is going on I imagine a row of horrible reasons for me feeling this way. Worst case scenario. Until I realize what's up and force myself taking deep deep breaths.
During all this I function somewhat normal. I talk, I smile, I do my job.
I just want everyone to know that anxiety comes in all shapes and forms even what seems to be cool calm and collected.
⚡helping anxiety through yoga⚡
In my mid 20s I realized I never ever let my breath go deeper than the top of my lungs. I just observed it and repressed it. I found yoga and loved all the cool things I could do with my body. I was able. Very very able. Yoga(asana) was easy for me! I was strong and fairly flexible and I had the guts to try the most complicated positions. ... and then there was the breath... I attended a class that ALWAYS started in childs pose. We were encouraged to expand the lungs, ribcage and abdomen towards the thighs. Full on panic. I had to force myself to stay. There was no release, it didn't get easier. Until I left the pose and got to use my body and show myself just how strong I physically was. This is something important to know and remember as a teacher. Not all people can just jump in to what might seem to be an easy practice(breath work, meditation, yin, restorative) and need to take alternative paths.
I remember being at a meeting prior to my first yoga teacher training in full panic pinching the inside of my thigh giving myself bruises.
I'm not sure exactly when the shift happened. Teacher training played a huge part, finding pranayama and finally the keys to expand my breath without feeling like I might explode, helped a lot. Chanting helped. And the year of 2016 most of my anxiety calmed down, due to finding a yin practice that worked for me(thank you@sofieringsten❤) and also being unconditionally loved by someone (@christoffer_matevent❤) Last year I had less than 10 days with anxiety and I used to live with it every damn day.
Change. The unknown. Being in limbo. Fear of disappointing. Public transport. All kinds of travel especially by ferry. Drunk people. Fear of missing out. Throwing up or anyone else doing so. Losing control. Fear of child being hurt or worse. Feeling alone or left out. Being abandoned.
Some of my triggers, what triggers your anxiety?(I'm not after you stating them here but once you start observing you start the journey towards healing)