Waking up to this view every morning

Let's dream BIG!

What is your big big dream?

Mine keep changing. As a teenager all I wanted was to leave Dalarna, a young adult travel and see the world, as a 30 plus year old I became a mother it wasn't my dream but it became dreamy, I dreamt of owning and running my own business, I did. And now, hello teenager Karin, I am living my dream with house and family IN DALARNA! HA! Full circle or something!?

The dream is to not only create an online studio but also create an opportunity to share this amazing place with as many as possible. Right now there are thousands of ideas at the same time as there are plenty of stuff to do on the house in the garden and with the family. One step at the time!

When the time is right, I will have retreats here, with hiking, SUP, delish food and plenty of yoga, would you come?

Have you ever renovated a house? I am a total newbie at this and so is Chris. Its all a game of finding out as we go if we can or can not do stuff. I bet it will be like this for the rest of our house owning lifes. Its gun tho. Seeing the process from tired 70s to modern farmhouse.

Yesterday we were at IKEA getting things to be able to finish the house and actually live there. Flashback from about three years ago swelled over me. Back then, our first time together at IKEA, I was standing in one of those large farmhouse kitchens with a gigantic kitchen island and I started to cry. For the first time I let myself envision the life we could have, the life we both wanted. The kitchen we both wanted.

We are not getting that perfect big farmhouse kitchen but we will get a big ass kitchen island!

I find myself not second guessing myself even if I'm fairly new at all things I do. I pick up the painting brush and go. Its a nice feeling, empowering. I do do mistakes however much more success! Chris focus is the prep work, the behind the scenes and very important work that lays beneath the finish and I love to do the things that I get instant gratification from, painting putting up wallpapers building IKEA furniture and so on. Pretty much how we would work in a restaurant. The best team there is!

The frustration of not having a place that is ours is eating at me and fueling my tedious work. We work on the house at all hours of the day slightly ruled by Manfreds naps and the kids routines. It's good really, or we would have skipped meals.

I have insomnia and bad skin. I long for my routines, that I don't even know what they will be like, it is frightening and exciting all at once! Can.Not.Wait.For.My.Daily.CeleryJuice.

We are awaiting windows and then we can mooooveeeee iiiin!!!

This is the week!!!

⚡ anxiety ⚡

I am the master of keeping a calm outside while having a full blown anxiety attack. As a child I dealt with the anxiety by putting pressure on my solar plexus and/or root of nose. Or pinch the inside of my thigh. Why hide the attack? I'm not entirely sure why, however the environment surrounding me was very much like 'put a brace face on, be strong' and even if I never heard anything negative about anxiety(that might be the issue, I didn't hear ANYTHING about it so I didn't understand what it was)I felt it was something needed to be hidden.
This afternoon I felt that 'I might puke or choke' kinda feeling sneak up on me. All my senses are raw. Each noise make me jump a little, each smell is too strong. My breath is shallow and trying to take a diaphragmatic breath hurts my whole body. At first I wonder what is wrong with me, the attacks have been far apart the last few years and until I figure out what is going on I imagine a row of horrible reasons for me feeling this way. Worst case scenario. Until I realize what's up and force myself taking deep deep breaths.

During all this I function somewhat normal. I talk, I smile, I do my job.
I just want everyone to know that anxiety comes in all shapes and forms even what seems to be cool calm and collected.

⚡helping anxiety through yoga⚡

In my mid 20s I realized I never ever let my breath go deeper than the top of my lungs. I just observed it and repressed it. I found yoga and loved all the cool things I could do with my body. I was able. Very very able. Yoga(asana) was easy for me! I was strong and fairly flexible and I had the guts to try the most complicated positions. ... and then there was the breath... I attended a class that ALWAYS started in childs pose. We were encouraged to expand the lungs, ribcage and abdomen towards the thighs. Full on panic. I had to force myself to stay. There was no release, it didn't get easier. Until I left the pose and got to use my body and show myself just how strong I physically was. This is something important to know and remember as a teacher. Not all people can just jump in to what might seem to be an easy practice(breath work, meditation, yin, restorative) and need to take alternative paths.
I remember being at a meeting prior to my first yoga teacher training in full panic pinching the inside of my thigh giving myself bruises.
I'm not sure exactly when the shift happened. Teacher training played a huge part, finding pranayama and finally the keys to expand my breath without feeling like I might explode, helped a lot. Chanting helped. And the year of 2016 most of my anxiety calmed down, due to finding a yin practice that worked for me(thank you@sofieringsten❤) and also being unconditionally loved by someone (@christoffer_matevent❤) Last year I had less than 10 days with anxiety and I used to live with it every damn day.

⚡anxiety triggers⚡

Change. The unknown. Being in limbo. Fear of disappointing. Public transport. All kinds of travel especially by ferry. Drunk people. Fear of missing out. Throwing up or anyone else doing so. Losing control. Fear of child being hurt or worse. Feeling alone or left out. Being abandoned.
Some of my triggers, what triggers your anxiety?(I'm not after you stating them here but once you start observing you start the journey towards healing)

There was a time in my life when I was forced to be superhuman, I really had no choice. I posted this picture on The Yoga Studios instagram the other day, talking about us all being humans rather than SUPERhumans. I promised the back story, here parts of it is(way to long and probably only interesting to a very few)

Just before Christmas a few years back, feels like a lifetime ago tho, the father of my children(then child) decided to act nothing like a man and left us. Just like that. Christmas day I found out I was carrying his second child. That pregnancy was hunted by one scare after the other including a cancer scare. Even if I had support from family and friends the survival of me my son and the little baby in my belly was all on me, and the weight was heavy. My mind wouldn't let me crash so my body did instead. I was on sick leave half of the pregnancy since walking was a huge issue for me and without my parents help I have no idea what I would have done! Not being able to carry my little boy who loved his mama more than words could ever express!? Devastating. What was the one thing that kept my mind AND body strong for me and my babies? Yoga. On my my mat I truly was superhuman! I felt so light and free and my mind gave me a rest. Once a very healthy little lady entered the world(THAT is a separate story about female empowerment and kick ass I will get back to)my body healed quicker than I ever could have imagined, I was taking stroller walks within three days. All thanks to my daily practice as pregnant, I'm sure of it!

On to this picture above, mothering a two year old that caught all the bugs from preschool and only attended 9 days of school in his little sisters first 5 months. One child awake at 5am one child in bed at 1am and about 10 wake ups in between. In this picture I am breastfeeding my little lady as I am swinging an impetigo infested son while drinking coffee. It also look like I washed my hair, how? I have no clue! This is insane!!! I didn't know that back then, but looking back, totally utterly insane. I had my daily practice and it was the one thing that kept me floating. 

So why tell this story? This is why I am sending you these emails now, this is why I took my first teachertraning, this is why I now run The Yoga Studio. The urge to give to others what helped me so much.

The thing about past stories is that we all have them, and there is never ever a point in comparing them. I had that thrown in my face in my darkest of days "dont you think there are others that have it worse than you?" and it did nothing for me except the need to release some anger. I believe there is great power in our unique stories and I believe there is so much courage in being venerable(HELLO Brené Brown, have you encountered her?) owning your story and use it as a building block for the future.

So go out there and own your uiniqe stories! 

Sincerely

Karin Brattberg

I realized that The Yoga Studio needed its own space here on the www. So I just created my second webpage ever, I am so god damn proud of myself! who knew I had this in me? This just confirmes the idea of us humans not ev close to living to our full potential, I am capable of so much more than my mind(used)to think. 

Check out www.theyogastudiogbg.com

wow wow wow! I am so humbled and HAPPY! The opening of The Yoga Studio was awesome! A full class of lovely yogis, half of them new faces! There was so much happening at the start of class, I just went into teacher mode, however at the end of class my emotions caught up on me. first class in MY studio....iiiii! Delicious vegan food from Christoffer Eriksson Mat&Event, he even got a round of applauds. Seriously well earned. 

This would not be possible without friends and family, we all did this together. Now I'm so excited for the future! 

foto Caroline Eriksson

last night I got the keys for The Studio, tonight we packed Susannes car full off all the stuff(seriously didn't realize just HOW much needed to NOT furnish a studio haha) and as we awaited IKEA delivery started to clean fix unpack assemble and so on. We are at the moment way ahead of schedule!!! Feels amazeballs! Mormor is here the little ones a bit confused about mama working so much but they could not be happier with anyone else but her. This is just temporary and I do love love love this. Especially as I not in any way feel like am doing this alone! Not in any way! I'm pretty sure Ill never ever in my life will do anything truly alone again and that thrilling scary thought spread such calm in my mind and body. Something I never felt before. It could be this love and support I have behind me, under me, over me all around me, that even put me in the place. To think back, just 2 years back. EVERYTHING was different. Now is good, great, amazingly awesome!

first dinner at The Yoga Studio

...yep at the same time!  

At this very moment I can’t even image how my life will look within a week, it feels so damn far away and still so very near! In 6 days I take over the studio in 8 days I open the doors for the public. My first ever class in the studio is pretty much full(snag the last 3 spots on www.timecenter.se/karinbrattbergyoga/ ) and lots of things are falling to place each day that goes by. I keep thinking all will be good. I keep thinking perfectly imperfect is what I am creating and whatever happens. I am trying. 

Im right now barreling a rather huge question, both mind and heart keeps pushing me towards a huge go! Do it! Go all in! And then there is that little tiny teeny doubt. But why go half assed in to anything? Is that really how I do things? Not really!  

I’ll let it sit for tomorrow’s time on my mat, usually that’s when and where all my decisions are made. 

me and my tiny yogini

today my family came to work with me and it felt exactly as it should. There is no separation for me, I would love to live ONE life were a huge mix of Yoga kids my man other family and friends are all intervened.

🙏🏻 

The light was gorgeous this morning, so I got inspired to invest 30 min on a little shoot. To take the time and stroll in the park, to breathe outside(read; not in front of computer) to be creative, set up for a much more productive day if I hadn't! So I truly invested! This is the time to invest in me, it is easy to forget me in all of this. I have done it before, as a single mother of two taking my YTT´s for example. Phew that was a sweaty one! So my promise to myself is to at least once a day do one thing that is purely for me. And even more important, say no more than I say yes. I have said this huge YES to The Studio in order to commit fully I need to say so many small NO´s. Some of them are harder than others.

..alright, I need your help people! I am looking for mats for The Studio. 

Criterias:

• Organic and as fairly made as possible
• amazing grip
• durable and easy to clean
• lightweight
• reasonably priced
• be able to buy in bulk
• be delivered to Sweden within 3 weeks

I am used to Manduka and like them, however the ones I´ve tried have been sooooo heavy! I like the Jade mats, but question their durability. It has come to my attention that the Liforme mats are organic now? They are truly amazing and oh so pricey. I tried cork mats and must say I love them, bit chunky and heavy but the grip and feel is purely aaaaaahmazing, and well...price, again! 

Any suggestions? Any mat you tried and just love? A mat the studio you currently practice in uses and you approve? HIT ME!

love love love